Project Team Mein Aayi Ek Ladki...

Disclaimer : The poem is purely fictional and not related to any person dead or alive. If any resemblance to anyone is found, write another poem like this and add this Disclaimer on top of it! :-)


Aaj meri project team mein, eek nayi ladki aayi hai
Usne team ke sabhi ladkon ki, soyi ummeeeden jagai hain.

Shruwaat mein to doston, relations the bade professional
Dheere dheere, mujhe iccha huyi, baat karu main kuch personal.

Technically to pata nahi, par beauty mein to woh strong hai,
Aisi khoobsurat ladki ki help karne mein kya wrong hai?

Haalat aisi huyi meri kharaab, doston kya bataun main tumhe,
Pakki duffer nikli wohi, aur bade irritating the woh lamhe.

Ek minute discussion ka, lagta hai jaise ek saal,
Frustration itni badh jaati hai, ki kheench lun apne baal!

Das baje aati hai woh, 5.30 ko chali jaati,
Kaam khud se kuch na kare, sab kaam mujh se karvati!

Kaam saara maine kiya, credit ki woh nikli chor,
Isliye appraisal ke time pe, doston, ho gaya main ignore.

Uske peeche barbaad hue sab type ke projects,
Fir bhi rehti hai woh on top of boss's list of favourites..

Jaise taise, mar mar ke, complete kiya technical project,
Saath hi mere personal interests ko, usne berehami se kiya reject.

Is haadse ke baad, IT companies ki har ladki se main darta hun
Project team mein koi ladki na aaye, bas yehi dua main karta hun.

Mamma I Don’t Feel, Good In These Shoes

Title – Mamma I Don’t Feel, Good In These Shoes

A depressing poem which metaphors pain in career with that of pain of a shoe!!!


Thought these are called the Programmer's boot
As they program their world however they choose.
Yes, the guys say they look good on me
But mamma I don’t feel, good in these shoes!

It’s a heavy pair and rough from inside
The laces keep on tightening, nails from the sides
Force me to walk for bigger career virtues
But mamma I don’t feel, good in these shoes!

If the soul is the sole, then it’s all worn out
Somehow I can just type, but I can never shout.
I maybe technically strong, unable to refuse
But mamma I don’t feel, good in these shoes!

Rush Hour Calendar

Once, while 'NIL' thinking, I figured out that the current Gregorian Calendar is not the best form of Calendar to be used in current work environments. Hence, I have come up with an improvised and efficient Calendar. This is a special calendar for handling rush jobs.

Following is the Format of the newly proposed Calendar, devised specially to be used in Typical Office Environments :


I know, this Calendar does not seem easy to understand. This is purposefully done so that the calendar looks intelligent !!

Below are the considered while preparing this Calendar. Hopefully, this shall explain why the Calendar is designed so :

1. All rush jobs were actually required to be submitted yesterday. With this calendar, a job can be ordered on the 7th and delivered on 3rd. Much like what our Managers generally expect !!!
   
2. Most Jobs are required to be done by Friday, so there are three Fridays every week
3. There are eight new days added to each month to allow for end-of-the-month panic jobs.
4. There is no first of the month – thus avoiding late delivery of the previous month’s last minute panic jobs.
5. The unlucky considered days like 13th, 29th and 31st have also been abolished, so as to avoid the blame on the unfortunate dates.
6. Monday morning hangovers are abolished together with non-productive Saturdays and Sundays.
7. A new day – Negotiation Day – has been introduced keeping the other days free for uninterrupted ‘panic’.
   

Hopefully, this "Rush Hour Calendar" shall improve the efficiency at your work place !!!

Moan and Piss off !!!

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Moral of the story : Some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning !!!